Why is it so hard to take a break from work – even if we want to? | Well actually

At the busy hospital where I worked, we were entitled to two 15-minute breaks – morning and afternoon – and a 30-min lunch.

I skipped breaks (there’s always something to get done, right?) and I nearly always ate my lunch in front of my computer. Same story for most of my co-workers. When I talk to other helping professionals, caregivers or activists, I hear a similar pattern of overwork.

Back then, I saw a naturopath who told me that it was essential to slow down to allow my nervous system to calm. My sympathetic nervous system was in overdrive. He told me I had the power to manifest a different reality. I rolled my eyes.

Things went downhill from there. That same day, I stayed late at work, to make up for the time “lost” at the naturopath’s. Overtired, I went home, was argumentative with my partner and ate popcorn for dinner.

It was hard to change my ways. My obstacles around breaks were:

• Societal: oppression can mean that many of us work twice as hard for less recognition. Plus, internalized capitalism encourages us to overwork.

• Institutional: the employer gave mixed messages, communicating support for work-life balance, but rewarding overwork.

• Physical: the more my sympathetic nervous system revved up, the harder it was to slow down. This made it hard for me to calmly reflect on my situation.

• Skills-based: I needed to learn to set boundaries.

• Belief-based: I thought it was noble to deny my own needs. I couldn’t give
  myself permission to take breaks.

• Trauma-based: one of my childhood adaptations to trauma is to over-function. For a long time, I felt like an imposter at my job, so I overcompensated.

• Vicarious trauma: I was experiencing a lot of it at that job, which made it difficult to manage my emotions or notice my needs.

• Emotions-based: overworking was a maladaptive way to cope with hard feelings such as fear, despair and helplessness that were triggered by my work and a difficult personal relationship.

If there’s one thing I want you to take from this, it’s that our obstacles to self-care are complex!

In the end, it was community care to the rescue. A couple of years after the appointment with the naturopath, a good friend recognized my distress, expressed concern and urged me to slow down. In a way, she gave me “permission” to take breaks, something I just couldn’t offer myself at the time.

I think that our strong attachment penetrated some of my deeper emotional obstacles to self-care. And I suppose I was ready to hear the message from her then when I hadn’t been before.

Today, when I’m feeling confused or anxious about taking a break, I imagine what she would say and give myself this “permission”. I also routinely offer this reflection to other friends who might need reminders to interrupt their over-functioning or overworking.

You might find that adding more rest to your day is a contagious practice, just as overworking can be. Notice if this is true. It takes a village to challenge internalized capitalism and the other obstacles to self- and community care.

I’m a writer and psychotherapist. Earlier this year I published 52 Weeks to a Sweeter Life, a practical guide to self- and community care. I designed some questions for self-reflection and tips about taking breaks. Try them out with your family and colleagues, or perhaps respond to the prompts in your journal. Together, let’s bring more gentleness to our days.

Here’s an experiment to try:

• Notice if you take breaks during your day. What do you do during them? Are they restful for your mind and body?

• If you don’t take breaks, what are your obstacles? Are they external (things that have to do with other people or your environment) or internal (your beliefs, your skills, your body)?

• Remind (and invite reminders from) co-workers, friends and family to take breaks. Offer one another encouragement and “permission”.

Tips for addressing your obstacles to taking breaks

Schedule/automate your breaks

• Set an alarm to help you pause during the day.

• Download an app that reminds you to move periodically, like StretchMinder.

• At the beginning of your day or week, schedule in your breaks or rest just as you’d schedule meetings and tasks. Think of it as making appointments with and for yourself.

• If you can, avoid scheduling meetings or calls 15 to 30 minutes before your lunch break so that you can complete leftover tasks from the morning, rather than being tempted to do this work during your break. Make your break sacred and work-free.

Do it together

• Create a team self-care basket. A social service team I know keeps one in their shared office. It contains lavender oil, herbal teas, dark chocolate and other snacks. Team members remind one another to use the basket.

• One supervisor I know turns on music at 4pm each day to help everyone “dance it out”.

• Ask a buddy to join you for lunch. Talk about non-work things.

• Organize a lunch club. One staff group I knew had a rotating schedule in which each person brought a salad or sweet treat to share with the others.

• Organize a group yoga or meditation session to encourage others to take breaks with you. Sometimes human resources workers can assist in setting up sessions like this.

• During work, volunteer or activist meetings, create a space to talk about self-care and remind one another to take breaks. Schedule times to talk about vicarious trauma and burnout. Encourage your colleagues to work with less urgency and more gentleness.

Working from home

• Begin and end the day with a ritual that signals a start and a hard stop. For example, you might change clothing or walk around the block (as though travelling to or from work). You might “open” and “close” your office symbolically by turning your computer on or off or putting work items away.

• Do the above for volunteer and activist gigs so that you take a mental break from these too.

• Create an individual self-care basket for your desk (see above).

• Create a space where you can go to get away from your computer, phone or desk.

Breaks for caregivers

Create a list of two to five people who can be backups for you so that it is easier to take breaks from your care work. For example, we have a neighbour who can drop in to do a quick check on my mother-in-law when there is a gap in care. Another friend can come hang out for two hours.

• Excerpted from 52 Weeks to a Sweeter Life for Caregivers, Activists and Helping Professionals: A Workbook of Emotional Hacks, Self-Care Experiments and Other Good Ideas by Farzana Doctor, 2024, published by Douglas & McIntyre (2013) Ltd. Reprinted with permission from the publisher.