Who says Britain is broken? Not me. Not here anyway. This is where I try to celebrate what’s good about the country I call home. In this spirit, I offer up a widely available sort-of-free-at-the-point-of-use service that never lets me down. There can’t be a more efficient such service anywhere on earth. I’m sure it’s admired worldwide. It is to do with the railways. It is Delay Repay.
After a bit of a fiddle setting up your account, you automatically, as if by magic, get a cash prize if your train is delayed. OK, it’s compensation rather than a prize, but it’s still a beautiful thing. On the services I use most regularly – LNER, Avanti West Coast and GWR – I generally buy single tickets, and I get back a quarter of the price if it’s quarter of an hour late, half the ticket price if it’s half an hour late, and all of it if it’s a whole hour late. And it’s so quick! If your train’s not on time, into your account goes the money, bang on time. It makes the delay so much more bearable; even interesting. I end up willing it to pass the 15-minute mark. As time ticks on, I start to get annoyed about the lateness, in the traditional fashion. But then, if the delay lengthens and the magic 30-minute mark starts to heave into view, the excitement rises. I should say that a high proportion of delayed trains do seem to come in a suspicious 29 minutes late. Hmm. Cruel. But if you do get past the half-hour-half-your-money-back moment you can’t help but hope for the jackpot, the full hour. Bring it on. The Delay Repay enthusiasts on board will start to exchange glances. And then the moment comes: you’ve made the hour. You’re getting the whole lot back. There ought to be a klaxon or something, high fives, the whole lot. Sweet.
I’ve an idea! Why not put the people in charge of Delay Repay in charge of the whole railway system? And when they’ve sorted that, they can run the NHS, too. Truly, they are the best Britain has got.