And the waiting didn’t get easier for me, even after my fourth miscarriage and my fourth D&C. While waiting for each procedure felt like an eternity and I found myself crying in bed, counting down the seconds when this would be over and I could try again, I knew it wasn’t only my mental health at stake.
I experienced numerous complications throughout my fertility rollercoaster, was fatigued for months, developed cysts, and became anemic. I distinctly remember being in hair and makeup to cover a competition with Johnny Weir, and at that point, the pronounced dark circles under my eyes, likely from the anemia and stress, were getting harder and harder to cover with concealer.
According to my doctor, the health concerns and complications of carrying an unviable pregnancy include infection, bleeding, sepsis, and death. While that may sound hyperbolic, it’s not. During each waiting period, my doctor advised me to watch out for a fever or other signs of infection. Research shows that a nationwide abortion ban would increase maternal deaths by 24%. In restrictive states, like Georgia, this has already been proven: Amber Thurman, 28, needed a D&C procedure like mine, but was refused care until it was too late. She died from septic shock.
I was well aware of the risks to my health–including death–but kept trying to realize my dream of having a baby.
By my third miscarriage, my doctor was concerned about how many D&C procedures I’d undergone, so she sent me to a specialist in San Francisco. They were to perform a complex surgery that would involve removing the pregnancy, a recently discovered uterine septum, and my second endometriosis surgery.
When it was time for my fourth and final D&C, as always, I was medically advised to take mifepristone before my scheduled procedure to soften my cervical tissue in preparation. While I was meant to take the medication the morning of my surgery, in my emotional distress, I accidentally took it the night before. I naively assumed that the effects of the pill– the intense, contraction-like cramping–would not ensue before the procedure. Unfortunately, I began to experience that unbearable, nearly indescribable pain in the middle of that night.