For as long as she can remember, Isabel wanted to be a mother.
“When I was growing up, I didn’t know if I was going to get married, I didn’t know a lot of things, but I knew I would be a mother at some point,” she told 7NEWS.com.au.
That day finally came in 2019 when she fell pregnant with her son, Ollie.
Know the news with the 7NEWS app: Download today
Isabel’s excitement about motherhood was soon overshadowed by anxiety as Ollie was born five weeks premature.
The Sydney mother’s mental health only worsened when she brought Ollie home.
Darkness was weighing her down, making the simplest tasks seem difficult.
“I would just cry because I had nothing left to give,” the now 42-year-old said.
“I was depressed after something that was supposed to be so good.
“Being a mother was my life dream.”
Isabel remembers struggling to understand her muddled feelings.
“I was like, ‘It makes no sense. That’s not a bad thing that’s happened to me, it’s a really good one’,” she said.
“But I’m not doing well.”
She visited her GP for help and was diagnosed with postnatal depression, a depression that comes on within 12 months after having a baby.
Four out of five mums go through “baby blues” in the first week of having a baby.
But while “baby blues” usually pass on their own, postnatal depression involves more severe symptoms that often interfere with the parent’s ability to function normally.
At least one in every five women and 1 in 10 fathers and partners experience anxiety, depression, or both during pregnancy and/or following birth, according to Perinatal, Anxiety and Depression Australia.
Each year, about 600,000 people become parents in Australia, and therefore 60,000 mothers and 30,000 fathers or partners will experience perinatal anxiety and/or depression.
It was not Isabel’s first run-in with mental illness — and it would not be the last.
Growing up in Brazil, she struggled with an absent father, which she now realises was due to his own mental health issues.
“When I was younger, I didn’t realise the impact it had,” she said.
“I strived to be accepted and to not be a burden to others.”
She became a people pleaser, desperate to keep others happy and putting unrealistic pressure on herself.
“I never put myself as a priority and, with time, that started to be too heavy,” she said.
When she was 25, Isabel’s father took his own life.
“That was the first time I got seriously depressed and I couldn’t pretend it wasn’t happening and that I wasn’t well,” she said.
She found comfort in group therapy where she learned she was not struggling alone.
“That feeling of ‘there’s other people going through similar things’ really gives a bit of hope,” she said.
Isabel later moved to Australia for six months to learn English.
Fifteen years on, she still calls Australia home.
“I first thought, ‘I’ll go study abroad for a while, have the experience and come back’ and in my brain I would be the one responsible caring for my mum when she was old,” Isabel said.
In a cruel twist of fate, Isabel’s mother was diagnosed with breast cancer while she was in Australia in 2012.
“I did go there (to Brazil) to take care of her but she ended up passing away,” Isabel said.
“Losing my mum was one of the hardest things I’ve ever been through.”
Years on, the loss is something Isabel is still coming to terms with.
“She was my biggest role model and my biggest friend and support,” Isabel said.
“I felt like I didn’t have that safe place to go after she passed, which is not true because I have friends who have my back, but the feeling that my safety was gone.”
A tipping point
Two years on, Isabel was faced with her own health scare when cancerous cells were found in a routine pap smear.
“All of those big things would put me into a depressive state again,” she said.
But each time, she would pick herself up and carry on with her life.
Ollie’s birth marked a tipping point.
“It finally clicked in my head that my depression journey would be a lifelong one, not just an episode here and there,” Isabel said.
“That’s when I realised I needed more than the crisis management I was doing.”
Isabel booked in to a psychiatrist but faced a months-long waiting list — a barrier to help for many Australians, as workforce shortages stretch mental health services thin.
Australian Bureau of Statistics data shows 42 per cent of people who needed to see a psychiatrist either delayed or did not see one in 2022-2023.
It was then she found GROW Australia, a not-for-profit offering free peer support and mental health programs.
“Our mental health sector is so overwhelmed that having GROW to bridge that gap was really important to me,” Isabel said.
Finding mental health support helped reshape Isabel’s outlook on life.
“One of the main lessons was that everyone is valuable,” she said.
“For a person who grew up being a people pleaser and feeling rejected by my dad, I didn’t trust that I was valuable if I wasn’t doing everything for everyone.
“It helped me realise I’m valuable even when I’m unwell.”
Isabel wants other people to know it’s OK not to be OK.
Each year, one in five Australians will experience a mental health condition, and almost half of Australians will experience mental ill-health in their lifetime, according to the ABS.
“Asking for help is a strength,” Isabel said.
“It takes a lot for us to make ourselves vulnerable.
“The more we can have open communication about struggling, the more we can break the stigma.”
Isabel is an ambassador for GROW Australia’s Odd Socks Day on Friday, when Australians will sock it to mental health stigma.
Australians can support Odd Socks Day by purchasing Odd Socks from grow.org.au or donning their own mismatched socks and donating to help GROW continue to help Australians experiencing mental ill-health.
If you need help in a crisis, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.
For further information about depression contact beyondblue on 1300224636 or talk to your GP, local health professional or someone you trust.