A bride was defended online for asking her fiancé to uninvite his “work wife” from their wedding.
In a Reddit post on the Am I the A**hole forum, a 29-year-old woman shared her discomfort with her fiancé’s close relationship with a colleague named Lily. For five years, the two have had a tight friendship involving late-night texts and Lily’s detailed knowledge of his preferences, creating tension as the wedding approaches.
“One person is casting a shadow over everything,” the woman shared. “My fiancé’s ‘work wife,’ Lily.”
“Lily is a huge part of his life. They text constantly, often late into the night about everything from work issues to little jokes. She knows things about him that I sometimes don’t, and it stings to realize how much he turns to her for advice and laughs instead of me,” she continued.
“My fiancé reassures me that they’re just friends, that she’s his “work wife,” and that it’s no big deal. But it feels like she’s gotten so close that I’m sometimes the one on the outside looking in.”
While “work spouse” relationships are usually lighthearted, sometimes they cross the line – with Lily giving unsolicited opinions on everything from the venue to the wedding dress.
“She had suggestions about our venue (’It doesn’t feel like him’), our flowers (’he’s never liked bright colors, remember?’), and even my dress, mentioning off-handedly that she ‘knew his style’ and could help me pick something he’d love,” she shared. “I tried to laugh it off, but it hurt more than I wanted to admit. Here I am planning my wedding, and I felt like I had to measure up to her view of who my fiancé is.”
At the couple’s engagement party, tensions flared when Lily joked that if the groom ever changed his mind, he could marry her instead.
“I pulled my fiancé aside later that night and told him how inappropriate her comment was,” the woman shared. “He looked at me, surprised, and said I was ‘taking it too seriously’ and that Lily was ‘just playing around.’”
The breaking point came toward the end of the night when, after a few drinks, Lily approached the bride-to-be, asking if she was “really okay” with how close she and the groom were.
Lily added, “I mean, I can’t imagine him with anyone else,” which felt like a stab to her heart. Instead of reacting, she quietly walked away. Later, she told her fiancé she didn’t want Lily at their wedding, finding it too painful to include someone who seemed to view herself as part of their relationship.
He became defensive, insisting she was overreacting and allowing jealousy to ruin a friendship he deeply valued. He even suggested that uninviting Lily could “damage his reputation” at work, and since then, he’s been distant, accusing his fiancée of “making him choose” between his best friend and his future wife.
“I don’t know what to think anymore. I feel hurt, small, and like my feelings don’t matter,” she wrote. “My friends support me, but his friends think I’m overreacting and letting insecurity ruin our relationship.”
In the comment section, many defended the woman, pointing out that her fiancé’s friendship with Lily resembled an emotional affair.
“It sounds like the two of them are having an emotional affair,” one person wrote. “Her comments are completely inappropriate and your fiancé‘s willingness to side with her and choose her over you is hugely concerning.”
“He is having an emotional affair even if he doesn’t realize it. A ‘work wife’ is someone he has emotional intimacy with at work,” another person noted. “There will be nothing but pain for you as long as she is in his life in any capacity because she 100 percent considers him hers first.”
Someone else added: “Girl. He already chose and he didn’t pick you.”