Name: Sex surrender.
Age: Gen Z and millennials mainly. Older generations, interestingly, are less likely to say they would.
OK, but can we go back to the beginning, so you can explain what this is all about? Sure. You know it’s really hard to get on the property ladder these days …
Tell me about it. The average UK property price is £291,268. If you are unlucky enough to be in London, that will get you shared ownership of a park bench. Well, maybe that’s an exaggeration, but some research suggests it can take someone living in London more than 37 years to save for a 10% deposit on a house in their area.
Some lenders are offering mortgages with just a 5% down payment, aren’t they? True, but with the average property price in London at £536,052, that works out at more than £26,800. So, for many, getting on the property ladder remains a distant dream.
Desperate times … Call for desperate measures! Which is why more than a quarter of Britons say that, to get a deposit, they would give up …
Their phones? Netflix? No, it’s not quite that serious. But they would give up sex.
Oh, and who is offering this no-sex-for-money deal? Well, in reality, no one. It is a hypothetical scenario from a survey by Bloom Stories.
Not a mortgage broker, then? No, it does audio erotica. And its survey of more than 2,000 adults found that gen Z was the age group most willing to forgo sex for a down payment. Older generations, it turned out, were more likely to value sex over financial incentives.
That’s because they have already got their massive mansions, bought for £3,000 in the 1980s or whenever. They can have sex in whichever room they please. Have you tried doing it on half a park bench? Well, as it happens … but that’s another story.
Hang on. If no one’s having sex, there will be no future generations – the housing crisis would be over. Though it would also mean a crash in the property market. First of all, it is hypothetical, remember. Second, there are other ways of making babies these days. But also – and I should probably have mentioned this earlier – in the survey, you only had to give up sex for a year.
Only a year! In that case [does quick calculation], that’s not many times at all. I’ll take the deposit. Deal! Except there isn’t one.
Do say: “Oi, boomers, a bit less grunting and moaning in there, please, some of us are trying to save.”
Don’t say: “It was a year ago! I can’t remember where the key to the chastity belt is …”