Born in Cornwall and raised in Hull, Lucy Beaumont, 41, studied at Hull University. Having won the BBC’s 2012 New Comedy award, she went on to write and star in three series of BBC Radio 4’s To Hull and Back with Maureen Lipman. From 2020, she made five series of the TV sitcom Meet the Richardsons with Jon Richardson, from whom she is now separated. Her other work includes Hullraisers and Taskmaster, the podcast Perfect Brains and a memoir. She is touring the UK with her latest standup show, Lucy Beaumont Live. She has a child with Richardson, and lives in South Yorkshire.
When were you happiest?
I remember going to my auntie Pauline’s house in winter when I was eight or nine and she made me a roast beef sandwich. I ate it and fell asleep next to a fire. I felt like a cat, fed and left to nap.
What is your greatest fear?
Losing my makeup bag.
What is your earliest memory?
My mum beating up a group of teenagers because they threw a glass bottle near my face.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Thinking that I’m right when I’m wrong. But not only that – being able to convince other people I’m right and then finding out I’m wrong.
What was your most embarrassing moment?
I worked with Stephen Fry recently and we had a real heart-to-heart. I asked: “What was it like being in prison for being gay?” And thank God someone came in and he didn’t hear me say it. I was mixing him up with when he played Oscar Wilde. I could picture him in his cell.
Describe yourself in three words.
Lovely but useless.
What would your superpower be?
I’d like to be able to tidy up as I go along when I’m cooking.
What do you most dislike about your appearance?
A massive gap between my big toe and my next toe where it looks like another toe’s meant to grow.
What is the worst thing anyone’s ever said to you?
Some man in the street stopped me and said: “If you were a few inches taller you’d be dangerous.” I’ve no idea what he meant.
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What was the last lie that you told?
I tell so many lies. I got a coffee from a hipster place and it tasted burnt and he said – the wanker – “You just might never have had proper coffee. Real coffee does have a bit of a sour taste.” And I said: “I’m a coffee connoisseur. I’ve been going round the world picking coffee beans, it’s been my job for years. This is burnt.”
What do you owe your parents?
You can’t get more character-building than my childhood.
Which living person do you most despise and why?
The big-hitters – the fascists and the murderers – but I also can’t stand that guy on the Go Compare car insurance advert.
What is the worst job you’ve ever done?
I worked in a paper factory at five o’clock on a Saturday morning when I was in my early 20s. I’d go out raving the night before, get an hour’s sleep and then go to the factory. I was covered in paper cuts and used to think I heard people talking to me; they gave me a lot of breaks because they thought I was going mad.
What has been your biggest disappointment?
That money doesn’t buy happiness.
What keeps you awake at night?
Thinking I’ve upset somebody.
How would you like to be remembered?
As no trouble.