How Soon Is Too Soon to Bring Someone New?

Daren, the Bumble match I’d been dating exclusively for a little less than a month, officially asked me to be his girlfriend just a few days earlier. I’d already mentioned that I had a plus-one to Molly’s Palm Desert wedding, and he said he’d love to come if I felt comfortable, but the wedding was only a month away. By then, we would’ve technically only been dating for two months. Was it too soon to bring him? Could he (should he??) meet my best friend’s parents before meeting my own?

I was torn. On one hand, I wanted Daren by my side—to dance with, to keep me company, to meet my friends and hold my shoes at the end of the night. I’d always been independent and was perfectly capable of having a great time on my own, but the thought of being alone while all my friends had dates stung, especially since Daren was free and happy to come. But at the same time, we were still new. I didn’t want to rush us into something so meaningful, so quickly.

Frustratingly, there is no one-size-fits-all answer; no blueprint for the perfect situationship-to-wedding-date timeline. There are tons of factors to consider when deciding on a date, including how serious your relationship is, what your connection to the bride and groom looks like, and the potential plus-one themselves. This is all, of course, assuming you have one—aka: the invitation is addressed to “Your Name + guest”. And if you don’t, you shouldn’t ask. “This is the bride and groom’s day,” says Jules Hirst, founder of Etiquette Consulting. “They have constraints with venue size and cost per person that have impacted their decision not to grant you a plus one.” Plus, it puts them in the awkward position of having to pay more for your date, or not invite someone they actually wanted there so that they can come.

Take Lucy Marks*, 36, for example. When she was planning her wedding, one of her husband’s groomsmen begged for a plus-one so he could bring his girlfriend of six months, despite the couple’s strict plus-one policy of only married or serious couples of at least a year (which, Hirst agrees, is a perfectly acceptable rule of thumb). Lucy caved, only for the new girlfriend to decline the invite because the wedding fell on her birthday, which she insisted the groomsman skip the wedding for. Unsurprisingly, they split up before the wedding even happened. Dustin Star, 42, CEO of The Groom Club, said his friend, who was single at the time, asked him for a plus-one to his wedding. After doing a “ton of rearranging and re-planning” of chairs, seating charts, and catering, his friend ended up showing up solo, which put a strain on their friendship. “My wife is not his biggest fan, and I don’t blame her,” he said.

If you do have one, you can technically bring whoever you want, regardless of how long you’ve been together. (You can even bring a platonic friend.) What matters most is your relationship dynamic and whether or not they’re someone who you’ll 1) be proud to have on your arm, and 2) have fun with.

Hirst says one pro to bringing someone you’re newly dating is that it can help you gain clarity on where you stand, especially if it’s someone you see long-term potential with. Remi Jones, 35, brought a guy she was casually seeing long-distance for four months to her friend’s wedding. Even though they were in the early stages of their relationship, going together “felt like a natural progression,” and her date seemed to agree. He had been pursuing her for a year, and she kept turning him down because she thought he was a “player.” But at the wedding, despite getting attention from other women, it was clear he was “devoted and focused” on his connection to Jones. Three years later, they got engaged.

On the other hand, Sam Russell, 45, founder of The Giving Closet, thought it was “sweet” when Johnny*, a guy he was “super hot, heavy, and exclusive” with, invited him to a wedding when they’d only been dating for a month. But at the reception, Johnny “nervously over-drank” and started sobbing uncomfortably. “I was taken aback,” said Sam. They broke up seven months later.

Case in point: How long you’ve been dating matters less than the actual nature of your relationship, and a wedding is a great opportunity to see a different side to your plus-one. Daren and I were already discussing holiday plans and meeting each other’s families. With every passing day, I was more convinced that what we had was the real deal. But even though it just felt right, I still wanted Molly’s blessing. So I asked for it. (With a slight omission.)

At her bachelorette party, I told her about my new boyfriend. “I think this is it,” I said, purposefully leaving out the tiny fact that we’d only been dating for a month. Thankfully, she didn’t pry. “Bring him to the wedding!” she cheered without hesitation. Whether she meant it or it was the poolside prosecco talking, I was relieved I finally had an answer.

And you know what? I didn’t feel bad about my fib! Daren was a gentleman the whole night. All my friends loved him—including Molly, and yes, her parents. Eventually, I did fess up about my strategic omission, and thankfully, Molly didn’t feel angry or deceived at all. “I knew he loved you and you loved him, and you told me you thought he was the one,” she said.

Three years later, Daren and I got married. When planning my own guest list, I knew from experience that “how long” my friends had been dating their plus-ones didn’t matter—we just wanted everyone to feel comfortable and have fun. I’d bet now that even if I’d told Molly the truth from the start, she probably wouldn’t have batted an eye, which would’ve saved me days of overthinking. I wish I’d known then that the only thing that has to feel “right” is your connection, and mine and Daren’s was right from the start.