As auto enthusiasts, many of us labor under the assumption that not only can we drive pretty much anything, but that we’d be pretty good at driving it, no matter what it was. For example, I used to work at a BMW dealership parts department and an important part of this job (and generally the high point of my day) was driving the forklift. I really wheeled that thing, often down a public street between buildings, and took pride in my being #ForkliftCertified.
My skill was a lie and I know that now because of the Stapler Cup. What’s the Stapler Cup? It’s an annual international forklift driving competition hosted in Germany and the finesse with which these drivers are able to not only steer their machines but also the delicacy with which they are able to manipulate objects with the forks simply beggars belief.
Realistically, the existence of competitive forklift operating feels like the Rule 34 of wheeled conveyances, but I love it nevertheless, and I will consider myself a failure if I don’t get to cover the Stapler Cup live and in person at some point. Of course, we Americans aren’t content to let the Europeans have all the fun, so there’s also a thing here called a Forklift Rodeo which is, in general, a little more scrappy and a little less Most Extreme Elimination Challenge.
Of course, we here at Jalopnik must offer you the warning that you shouldn’t try competitive forklift techniques at your place of work, lest you find yourself in a not-so-good situation where you’re unemployed and also dead.