Christina Applegate, who has openly discussed her diagnosis of multiple sclerosis before, is now detailing the deep depression she’s experiencing as she navigates the disease’s symptoms.
“I am in a depression right now, which I don’t think I’ve felt for years,” the “Dead to Me” star told her “MeSsy” podcast co-host Jamie-Lynn Sigler on Tuesday’s episode. “Like, a real ‘fuck it all’ depression … where it’s kind of scaring me too, a little bit, because it feels really fatalistic.”
“It feels really ‘end of it,’” Applegate continued. “I don’t mean that, I just mean I’m trapped in this darkness right now that I haven’t felt in, like, I don’t even know how long, probably 20-something years.”
In the conversation, which was recorded earlier this year, Applegate confirmed having called a therapist to discuss those feelings. She noted that even making an appointment, however, was a “big thing” for her.
“I have avoided therapy since I’ve been diagnosed because I’m so afraid to start crying and that I’m not going to be able to end crying,” the 52-year-old told Sigler. “And so my way of doing things is to make fun of myself … [like] at that stage [at the Emmys in January].”
Applegate immediately resorted to self-deprecation while presenting an award at the ceremony, after walking onstage with a cane to a standing ovation. The actor, who recently wondered if virtue-signaling was at play that night, told Sigler the event left her exhausted.
“That was, like, the hardest day of my life,” said Applegate. “You know, it started at 11 o’clock in the morning and didn’t get home till 9:30. And oh, my God, I think I slept for two days straight after that. Like, I couldn’t, couldn’t even function.”
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Multiple sclerosis is a neurological disease that can affect speech, vision and mobility and can cause physical pain and fatigue, as well as mood swings and cognitive confusion, per the Mayo Clinic. Applegate was diagnosed while on the set of the final season of “Dead to Me.”
The actor has certainly managed to find humor in the situation, but says she is still often incapable of doing things freely. Applegate told Sigler, “I don’t enjoy living. I don’t enjoy it. I don’t enjoy things anymore.”
“I’m kind of just giving up,” she added. “You know me. I’m so like, ‘Well, this is just it. I’m just going to lay in bed and sleep all the time.’ And then when my daughter needs me, I’ll be there for her, and I’ll do everything for her and push and do anything I possibly can.”
If you or someone you know needs help, call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org for mental health support. Additionally, you can find local mental health and crisis resources at dontcallthepolice.com. Outside of the U.S., please visit the International Association for Suicide Prevention.