Catherine, Princess of Wales’ brother James Middleton has shared he once considered “jumping from the rooftop” of a London building had his dog Ella not “saved” his life.
The 37-year-old opened up about the dark period in his upcoming memoir Meet Ella: The Dog Who Saved My Life, as seen in an extract obtained by Daily Mail.
WATCH THE VIDEO ABOVE: Princess Kate’s brother opens up about ‘difficult’ period.
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The youngest child of Carole and Michael and brother to Catherine and Pippa Matthews recalled that he used to “contemplate ways of dying” and one particular night found himself “utterly exhausted”.
“I feel misunderstood; a complete failure,” he wrote.
“I wouldn’t wish the sense of worthlessness and desperation, the isolation and loneliness, on my worst enemy. I think I’m going crazy.”
Yet I know I am privileged; fortunate, too, to have a loving and close-knit family — Mum and Dad, my sisters, Catherine and Pippa, their husbands, William and James — but I push them all away.
“I do not answer their phone calls. Emails remain ignored. Invitations to visit go unheeded.
“I hide behind a double-locked door, unreachable.”
One night in 2017, he found himself on the roof of a building in London with only his beloved dog Ella for company.
“I wonder, if I jump, could it possibly be construed as a tragic accident? That way my family, although they would grieve desperately, would be spared the added torture of knowing that I had ended my life by suicide,” he wrote.
But looking at his dog Ella made him reconsider.
“I glance down the ladder again. Ella has not moved. Her brown eyes are still staring intently at me, soulful and pleading, and as my gaze locks on hers again, my brain quietens.
“In that instant I know I will not jump. What would happen to Ella if I died? How long would she wait alone in the flat for someone to find her?
“I haul myself back from the brink, slowly climb down the ladder and stroke Ella’s silky head.
“She is the reason I do not take that fatal leap. She is Ella, the dog who saved my life.”
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Meet Ella: The Dog Who Saved My Life is set to be released on September 24.
Ella died in January 2023 aged 15.
“For 15 years Ella has been at my side, from my darkest days to my happiest. I’m going to miss her terribly,” Middleton wrote on Instagram at the time of her death.
“Ella had a very short illness, she slipped away in my arms at home and is now buried in the garden alongside Tilly.”
Since the 2017 incident, Middleton has met and wed his wife Alizée Thevenet and they have since welcomed their first child, one-year-old son Inigo.
Middleton and Thevenet married in September 2021 after he proposed in 2019. Their wedding was originally planned for May 2020 but was postponed due to COVID.
The wedding took place at Bormes-les-Mimosas in France, from where Middleton’s wife Thevenet hails.
If you need help in a crisis, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.
For further information about depression contact beyondblue on 1300224636 or talk to your GP, local health professional or someone you trust.