Just a couple of years ago the advent of a Barbie movie powered by feminism might have seemed about as likely as the plaything giving up her Dreamhouse and pink convertible for a studio flat in Croydon and a reliable secondhand Prius. Yet here we are in the era of Greta Gerwig’s playfully subversive film having taken more than $1bn at the global box office. Life in the Hollywood fantasy sandbox might never be quite the same again.
We should all be far from shocked, then, to note this week that the next powerhouse toy-based critical darling is gently taking shape. Is it Denis Villeneuve’s arty and intense reworking of the life story of Slinky Dog? Or perhaps Lena Dunham’s nostalgic, feminist take on Polly Pocket (nope, the Girls creator pulled out of that one earlier in the summer). Is Michel Gondry up for bringing us Nerf Wars: the Movie?
In fact, the news is that Alison Brie, the Golden Globe-nominated star of Mad Men, Glow and Promising Young Woman will be playing the nefarious Skeletor’s right-hand woman Evil-Lyn in an forthcoming adaptation of Masters of the Universe (AKA He-Man), which will be directed by no less than Kubo and the Two Strings’ Travis Knight. Yes, you read that right, and while this is not quite up there with the prospect of Daniel Day-Lewis coming out of retirement to play Bob the Builder for Martin Scorsese, it’s not that far off, either.
In my youth, I used to love He-Man. While he was essentially a muscle-bound blond viking with the haircut of a 1980s news anchor who wears furry underpants and spends his weekends yelling “I have the power!”, there was something about the cosmic world of Eternia and its far-out blend of silly space fantasy and fiercely unlikely sci-fi that made kids desperate to tune in the following week. Plus, the synth-tastic soundtrack was incredible.
I even had a one armed version of Man-at-Arms – possibly the dog got to him. But until recently I never imagined that more than 40 years later, the Prince of Eternia would be at the centre of the Hollywood galaxy all over again. After all, we already had the fiercely po-faced and clunky 1987 Masters of the Universe movie, starring Dolph Lundgren as He-Man and (unbelievably) Frank Langella as Skeletor. And that, frankly, was quite enough.
The brilliance of Barbie was that Gerwig managed to send up the pneumatic doll while somehow also celebrating her. The movie’s essential message is that while we get that the gorgeous, joyously airheaded doll is a manifestation of the evil patriarchy, we love her anyway, because it’s hardly her fault. And wouldn’t it be wonderful if she charmingly stood up to the very male-dominated system that spawned her?
It’s hard to imagine He-Man ploughing quite the same meta-infused, self-referential furrow. This is a universe where a man rides a giant green tiger into battle, while a guy named Fisto punches things because … well, he has a big metal fist. Today’s Hollywood execs might look at all this and see depth, but the reality is that there will need to be some serious work done on the Masters of the Universe mythos if we are all suddenly going to swallow Brie’s Evil-Lyn engaging in a monologue about power structures that would make Foucault proud while Man-at-Arms gently ponders the existential futility of eternal war.
Yet, it’s also possible to imagine how, in the right hands, Masters of the Universe might be ripe for forward-thinking, culturally adept satire. If Barbie is the stereotypical archetype of a woman, as seen by young girls who haven’t realised that they are viewing the entire world through a male-curated prism, surely He-Man is her XY chromosomed equivalent. Are preteen boys preternaturally designed to imagine it’s impossible to be a hero unless you are willing to destroy your health through extreme steroid use, or is the world they have grown up in telling them this?
Why does the wimpy Adam of Eternia have to transform into the impossibly hunky and muscley He-Man before he can actually get anything done? Perhaps Adam and Cringer (the pathetic alter ego of space tiger Battle Cat) can emerge as the true heroes of Masters of the Universe, gaining the keys to the cosmos via a balanced view of gender politics and deep understanding of the nuances of feminine strength and leadership, rather than just smashing Skeletor’s skull with a sword.
After all, if Barbie can Rollerblade through the patriarchy in a neon haze, surely He-Man can swap his eternally clenched jaw and oversized biceps obsession for a self-help podcast binge and a heart-to-heart with She-Ra – not to mention a bit of basic emotional intelligence.