I’m probably the worst person to review Beetlejuice Beetlejuice. The 1988 original is one of my favourite films of all time. And that’s capital F “Favourite”. I watch it every weekend. I can recite scenes by heart. It’s one of – if not the – finest Tim Burton works.
So then, it pains me to say that Beetlejuice Beetlejuice is not the sequel fans of the first movie deserve.
After a family crisis brings the Deetzes together once again, the haunting nature of the titular demon kicks in once again.
Some of the old gang are back for the ride – Michael Keaton, Winona Ryder, Catherine O’Hara – but there are omissions. Some are killed off (Jeffrey Jones’ Charles), while others are script-doctored away into oblivion (“Adam and Barbara Maitland found a loophole in the Afterlife”).
Ryder’s Lydia Deetz is a shadow of her former self. A semi-phoney medium with no confidence who is controlled by her overbearing husband-to-be Rory (Justin Theroux). While her relationship with her stepmother Delia has improved exponentially, her relationship with her estranged daughter Astrid (Jenna Ortega) puts pressure on her life when the intricacies of life and death are blurred.
After returning to Winter River, the past comes back to haunt the Deetzes, and so, too, have I become haunted by this film.
Between long-lost plot threads and a laughable pace, Beetlejuice Beetlejuice is a struggle to watch in many ways.
Sure, there are some quaint moments with Beetlejuice himself and some of the members of the Afterlife – but they aren’t strong enough to carry the weight of this picture.
Beetlejuice Beetlejuice’s worst crime, however, is that it doesn’t know what it wants to be.
The script is flat and disjointed. At one moment it longs to be the spooky, Burtonesque, absurdist comedy-horror of old; at the next, Ortega does her utmost to act like a coy teenager falling in love with the Boy Next Door.
Beetlejuice himself feels like he has a bit-part in his own movie. Fluttering between scenes with (the wholly underutilised) Willem Dafoe and the emotionless shrunken-head workers, Keaton consistently tries his hardest to have fun and keep audiences engaged – but it’s an impossible task by that point. The heartbeat has ceased.
The Batman star is resurrected a little when he finally shares the screen with Ryder and O’Hara later on… but by that point, even the legendary demon trickster struggles to keep the film’s structure resuscitated.
The plainest example of Beetlejuice Beetlejuice’s nonsensical tapestry is the inclusion of Monica Bellucci as Delores, Beetlejuice’s long-lost ex-wife.
Although her introduction was a perfect blend of sultry and gruesome, it made… no sense. Overall, the character wants to find and kill Beetlejuice for some past wrongdoing. As if that simplicity wasn’t boring enough, you’ll be bored to tears watching Bellucci sleepily call out Beetlejuice’s name during every scene. This pointless endeavour is made worse by the fact that Delores is trying to find a demon who can be summoned by reciting his name three times.
There are whiffs of that Burton charm within Beetlejuice Beetlejuice, though.
The sets are simply divine. The close-up, confined pieces of the Afterlife feel both gritty and rambunctious; a unique look only beaten by the first movie.
On top of that, some of the far more interesting directing also reeks of classic Burton camerawork. From quick zooms to semi-off-camera horror, he still knows how to make viewers believe something is far more grotesque and horrific than it actually is.
Still, as always, the ex-auteur has become a victim of his own success.
One of the final set-piece moments in Beetlejuice Beetlejuice involved people being sucked into their mobile phones at a church – a not-so-subtle commentary on the smart devices’ effect on modern humanity and society.
Awful CGI aside, the moment lost whatever little clout it might have had in a screening filled with influencers trying their best to act interested.
Beetlejuice Beetlejuice is an affront to everything Beetlejuice stands for. The original united the Deetzes and the Maitlands against one evildoer, giving them a more settled life as haunters and hauntees when all was said and done. Meanwhile, Beetlejuice Beetlejuice throws too much in the pan. With multiple antagonists, no real heart, and a complete lack of direction, this is a grave Beetlejuice fans will not be visiting very often.
Beetlejuice Beetlejuice is out tomorrow.