It’s hard to talk about today’s Nice Price or No Dice Plymouth without pronouncing its name “LAZ-ERR” while employing air quotes like Austin Powers’ Doctor Evil. Let’s see if this time capsule coupe comes with a price tag that’s just as satisfying.
Last Friday’s 1977 Porsche 911 carried bodywork that was claimed in the ad to be the work of Gemballa. That’s the German tuner whose owner, Uwe Gemballa, was scandalously murdered, allegedly over his connections to organized crime. According to many of you, it was our Porsche’s Gemballa body kit that proved to be the real crime. Its audacious nature dulled any support for the car’s $55,000 asking price. The result was a tsunami-like 88 percent No Dice loss.
Luckily for our eyes, as well as for our innate sense of decorum and good taste, today’s 1991 Plymouth Laser RS is gloriously factory-stock. Well, to be honest, there is one bit of aftermarket kit in the cabin, but we’ll get to that in a minute.
The Laser was one of a trio of cars built by Diamond Star Motors, a partnership between Chrysler and Mitsubishi that also built the nearly identical Eagle Talon and Mitsubishi Eclipse. All were screwed together in the U.S., in a factory located in the oddly-named Normal, Illinois. Mitsubishi did almost all of the heavy lifting on the design, which meant that the platform of choice for the car was a derivative of the Mitsubishi Galant sedan and did not spring forth from the then-ubiquitous Chrysler K-Car.
Unfortunately for Plymouth, the competition from both other carmakers and those in-house upstarts proved too much to bear, with sales never really taking off. Contrastingly, both the Eagle and Mitsubishi models proved reasonably popular, so when the time came to refresh the cars with a second generation, the Laser was left behind. Today, that makes the Laser the rarest and more exclusive of the trio, for whatever that might be worth.
This clean-title car is dealer-offered and sports a mid-tier 148,000 miles under its belt. The years and those miles don’t seem to show on the car, however, as the paint, wheels, and trim all appear to be in top-notch shape. The paint is a very ’90s “Rose Mist Metallic,” which is a very flattering hue for the car and pairs well with the bright silver of the basketweave alloys. As another nod to the ’90s, the car features pop-up headlamps, which we all love.
The cabin features one more ’90s throwback but one that’s less cool. That’s the automatic “mouse belt” that ensures at least half of the front seat restraints will always be employed. Sadly, there’s no way to modify or retrofit the seatbelts to the normal type, so occupants will just need to suck it up and live with that quirk.
The cabin is also where the car’s one genuflection to the aftermarket gods lies. That’s in a comically mis-proportioned touchscreen stereo head unit in (or, more appropriately, on) the dash. It stands out like an overly bright sore thumb and should be given the heave-ho at the earliest opportunity. Maybe a factory stereo could be procured from eBay or the like.
The rest of the interior appears to be stock and in as nice of condition as the exterior. The shift knob is a pistol grip style, which, while kind of goofy, is, in fact, factory. The cloth-cover seats look to be in excellent shape and comfy as heck.
Nicely, the mechanicals appear to be up to the task as well. According to the ad, the 195 horsepower 1.9 four has seen a ton of maintenance work, including the replacement of the alternator and timing belts as well as a full fluid flush. A new battery ensures reliable starting even with the wide-screen TV sucking up juice in the dash. The engine and five-speed manual gearbox are said to both work “like new.”
How much should such a blast from the past cost to experience? In this car’s case, the dealer is asking $9,995 for the opportunity. Does that seem fair, considering the car’s condition and exclusivity? Or does that price tag make buying this Laser a not-so-bright idea?
You decide!
San Diego, California, Craigslist, or go here if the ad disappears.
H/T to RevUnlimiter for the hookup!
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