If you’ve followed any celebrity divorce in the last 30 years, you’ve probably caught a glimpse of Laura Wasser’s career.
Wasser, a divorce attorney at Wasser, Cooperman & Mandles and the chief of evolution at Divorce.com, has represented Kim Kardashian, Britney Spears and Ariana Grande.
Celebrity divorces aren’t all that different from civilian divorces, she says.
“I always say divorce is the great equalizer,” Wasser says. “People experience the same fear and heartache, regardless of whether they are a celebrity or not.”
The most common reason people choose to dissolve their union, famous or not, is also the same.
“The reason people get divorced is because they don’t communicate,” Wasser says.
This issue might manifest as, for example, extramarital affairs or unhealthy drinking habits, but the inability to communicate is usually the root of the problem.
Prioritize having the ‘not super sexy’ conversations before you wed
Many partners who choose to get married haven’t navigated long periods of discomfort.
“Because you don’t develop the communication tools when things are going well, then when things are not going well you tend to not have the ability or wherewithal to discuss them,” she says.
There are lots of “not super sexy” conversations that couples should be having before marriage, she says.
Is it important that we send our kids to private school? Are you OK with my parents living with us in their old age?
These talks aren’t fun, but can save you money and heartache down the road, should you two not align.
People’s needs might also change throughout the course of a marriage, in which case good communication is key.
“It’s hard to say, ‘Hey I’m getting older and don’t feel as attractive anymore,'” Wasser says.
But if your partner doesn’t know how you feel, it’s inevitable that they will not meet your needs and you’ll be unhappy.
“The resentment builds up and you put your energy elsewhere,” Wasser says.
By having tough conversations before or early in marriage, you can cultivate healthy communication habits that better serve you and your partner.
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