Seven out of 10 working mums in the UK feel they have suffered discrimination or negative treatment in the workplace due to being a mother, and 25% feel less valued since having a child, a new study has found.
The landmark research commissioned by Maltesers also identifies that more than half of mums say they need more help from employers and colleagues to be the working mums they want to be.
In the UK, three in four mothers with dependent children are in work. Yet the research – in which more than 2,000 working mums and dads were interviewed, as well as parenting and workplace experts – reveals the extent of the challenges working mums face, from finding affordable and appropriate childcare to coping with work cultures that don’t acknowledge their caring commitments.
The report, Let’s Lighten the Load, shows that many of the burdens of juggling work and home life still fall on working mums, and calls for a major cultural shift in the workplace, at home and in society at large to make the playing field more level for them. “The evidence that working parents need more support is compelling,” the report states.
In the light of these findings, the report makes key recommendations that are at the heart of a campaign to motivate colleagues, managers, family, friends and partners to become better allies (AKA ‘motherlovers’) to the working mums in their lives.
Masculine workplace culture
Researchers spoke to a diverse group of working mums from different backgrounds and socioeconomic spheres, and found that across the board, many feel they aren’t able to be open with bosses or colleagues about their family circumstances or any struggles they’re facing.
Despite increasing diversity in the workplace, many working environments still reward stereotypically masculine traits – such as ambition, competition and confidence, as explained by an article in HR magazine. In this environment, talking about parenting and its challenges can be perceived as a weakness, with 65% of working mums surveyed feeling anxious, cautious or nervous about even telling their employer they were pregnant. “Sometimes when a woman shares that she is pregnant that affects the way that she is viewed by her manager, who will unconsciously start to see her as less competent,” says Dr Marcia Goddard, a neuroscientist specialising in the world of work.
Of the mums in the study, 30% say they don’t feel understood by others in the workplace and a quarter feel less valued as an employee since becoming a mum.
The study calls for a shift in attitudes to help mums be their authentic selves at work. It recommends that both mums and dads “parent loudly” to normalise discussing parenting in the workplace. It also suggests that employers check in regularly with working mums to find out what support they may need.
Overwhelmed by work and family
Working mum guilt can be another key challenge, with a massive 79% saying they feel guilty for not spending enough time with their children.
Research from Maltesers reveals that working mums also experience stress over the impact motherhood has had on their careers: 56% feel guilty about not working enough; 73% have sacrificed elements of a job they previously enjoyed; and 81% find themselves rearranging schedules constantly, in and outside of work.
Many mums feel this is the result of the disproportionate burden still placed on women to do the lion’s share of the work in the home: an issue the research reveals is viewed very differently by women and men. While 72% of working mums say they do most or all the chores and childcare, only 13% of dads surveyed agree that their partners do most or all of these tasks.
The experts suggest that this discrepancy often stems from women doing more unseen work than men. Annie Auerbach, co-founder of the trends agency Starling and author of FLEX: Reinventing Work for a Smarter, Happier Life, mentions “the invisible mental load at home”, adding: “[This] might be everything from chores and childcare, to remembering things like birthdays and mothers-in-law, and fixing things, and maintaining relationships and networks … it’s unpaid and it’s not valued by society and yet society runs on it.”
Mums feel their needs usually come last, with one mother surveyed saying: “[Self-care] is something that you put on the back burner. I would always make sure the kids are all right before I look at the needs of myself.”
To combat the uneven distribution of work in the home, the report recommends that partners have open conversations and create a plan to share the load more fairly. Enabling more parents to take shared parental leave would also facilitate a more equal work-life balance, the report says. For now, the government estimates that take-up is only between 2% and 8%, while the charity Maternity Action, which works to improve maternity rights, puts the figure at 3%-4%.
The expectation-v-reality gap
The research found that the “perfect mum” ideal sold by some “mumfluencers” on social media adds to the pressure felt by working mums, as does the judgment many say they feel from others, including their families: 43% say their families don’t understand their reality.
It also found that outdated expectations of dads can add to the load carried by mums; for instance, mums are still the ones usually called to leave work and care for sick children. Dads, meanwhile, often feel they can’t contribute as much as they might like to family life because of work, with 78% saying they often or sometimes have to prioritise work over their home life.
For mums, working on being “perfectly imperfect” may be key to not getting overwhelmed by trying to live up to an ideal, the report suggests. For dads, what’s required is a shift in society’s expectations. “Society needs to redefine success for dads and partners about spending time with family and bringing up your kids,” says the study.
Flexibility – the pros and cons
The research also reveals that 92% of mums want their employers to consider offering some form of flexibility, in start and finish times or working from home, as a possible solution to some of their challenges.
However, it highlights hidden downsides of flexible working, including the “sticky floor”, in which women get trapped in a job for fear of losing the flexibility it offers, and “part-time perception”, whereby those who work flexibly or part-time aren’t seen as committed to their job.
Part-time or flexible hours often also lead to mums doing more work than they are paid for – the study shows that 67% work hours outside the schedule they’re contracted for. And not being always present or available during “normal” working hours can lead to mums becoming marginalised: around a fifth have been given fewer responsibilities since becoming a mum and 30% have had fewer opportunities for promotion.
The report advises mums and dads to know and demand their rights and be prepared to negotiate for flexibility. Employers should make their policies easily accessible and make it clear flexibility won’t be a barrier to promotion, it urges.
“Our goal is for all of us, regardless of our roles, to start conversations with working parents to understand more about what they want and need,” the report states.
MALTESERS® in partnership with Comic Relief, is working towards a future where women no longer face injustice. Together, we’re working to lighten the load for working mums and help women thrive. Find out how
Mars Wrigley is donating £500,000 in 2023 to Comic Relief, operating name of Charity Projects, registered charity in England & Wales (326568) and Scotland (SC039730)