Name: The £35m starter home.
Age: Due to be completed in 2026.
Appearance: As yet unseen.
Where would such a home be located? In London’s most desirable residence.
Most desirable according to whom? According to the terse website of the new seven-storey residential block known as 1 Mayfair.
Sounds quite big. The most modest homes are the five smallest of the 29 residences in the complex, alongside grander townhouses and several multistorey penthouse apartments.
How small are they? That has not yet been disclosed, but they’re described as “pieds-à-terre”.
And they’re £35m? Each, yes.
I don’t know much about property, but that seems like a lot. It’s about 130 times the price of the average home in the UK.
What kind of sucker pays £35m for an unfinished apartment of unknown proportions? The rich kind. According to the developer, the project already has a 600-strong waiting list of potential buyers.
In that case, what kind of genius charges £35m each for the smallest apartments in the building? John Caudwell.
Who is he? The 72-year-old billionaire founder of the mobile phone retailer Phones 4u and the man behind 1 Mayfair, which ranks as London’s most expensive residential development.
What do you get for your £35m, then? The building will feature a 27-metre-deep basement with a swimming pool and underground parking. There will also be a health spa, a central courtyard garden and 24-hour security.
Will there be somewhere to hang out your washing? According to the architects, every one of the 29 residences will have private outdoor space.
I should think so. You’ll also have access to common areas including a rotunda with hand-painted frescoes based on Michelangelo’s work in the Vatican, plus a crystal gallery offering “a contemporary take on the Hall of Mirrors in the Palace of Versailles”.
I’m slightly worried the whole thing might be in poor taste. Fear not: according to Caudwell, it’s “a scheme of such superlative quality and outstanding design that it will be worthy of an architectural listing and conservation for generations to come”.
That is reassuring, but I still don’t understand what someone with £35m wants with a pied-à-terre. Elsewhere, some units have been described as “staff suites”.
You mean they’re just places to house your employees? If you buy one, you can put whoever you want in it.
Do say: “Just what London needs – more rich people.”
Don’t say: “Hi, I just moved in across the hall. Have you got any Blu-Tack?”