Name: The naughty siesta.
Age: The siesta dates back to at least Roman times, although the naughty version is largely a post-pandemic phenomenon.
Appearance: A period of unconsciousness in the middle of a work day, generally after lunch.
I call that a power nap. A power nap lasts 20 minutes or less. A naughty siesta could be much longer, depending on how naughty it is.
Is this a siesta where you have sex? Because I call that a siesta royale. No – it’s just a nap your employer doesn’t know about, because you’re working from home.
Why is that naughty? Just being unconscious doesn’t mean I’m not working. I think technically it does.
Sometimes I dream of innovative digital marketing solutions. I don’t believe you.
Don’t most people take cheeky naps when they work from home? Maybe, but they don’t necessarily own up to it. According to the Times, a recent survey revealed only about 10% of Britons admit to taking regular naps on company time when they’re not in the office.
As long as we’re all asleep at the same time, it doesn’t matter. Times vary, but between 3pm and 4pm is the most popular slot.
Anyway, what the boss doesn’t know won’t hurt him/her. Unfortunately this news comes just as employers are beginning to press workers to be in the office more often.
What’s more often? According to another survey, more than a third of chief executives expect employees to come into work four days a week.
Please God, no. I can’t go back to napping in the loos again. And just less than a third of bosses plan to install cameras to enforce attendance.
And consciousness? Presumably.
Why don’t we just normalise the siesta for all employees? It works well enough in Spain. Not as well as it used to: these days about 60% of Spaniards say they never take a siesta.
But naps are restful, re-energising and good for you. Up to a point: short naps can be restorative, but anything longer than 25 minutes risks tipping you into stage 3 sleep, which could leave you groggy for some hours after waking.
But they’re good for you! Again, up to a point. A study of 3,000 Spaniards found that those having siestas lasting longer than half an hour were more likely to have a higher body mass index.
But Zoom meetings are boring! Nap through them while you can – the slumber party is almost over.
Do say: “Just to let you know, my camera is off because it’s broken, and the snoring noise is my dog.”
Don’t say: “This is wokeness gone mad.”