You know that feeling of running into your ex’s best friend after your breakup? Now, imagine you’re a multimillionaire pop star and actor, and your ex is also a super-rich, famous actor, and you encounter his bestie—also a famous actor—at the Toronto International Film Festival and have to pretend to be thrilled. Well, Jennifer Lopez is a braver woman than I, because she was seen making the best of just such a situation and chatting it up with her recent ex-husband Ben Affleck’s longtime partner in crime, Matt Damon, at the afterparty for her film Unstoppable.
“Jen and Matt began talking and had a long, deep conversation,” a source reportedly told People, and while I don’t generally trust anonymous sources when it comes to celebrity gossip, I can’t help wondering what these two found to talk about besides Affleck. Without further ado, I present to you 23 potential topics of conversation between Lopez and Damon, absolutely none of which are based in fact or on-the-ground reporting, but all of which could have technically been broached on Friday.
- The draft in there.
- The bad appetizers being circulated on trays. (Actually, I’m sure nobody in their right mind would be so bold as to serve Jen and Matt a past-its-prime crudité, but has a passed app at a party ever really been good, with the obvious exception of pigs in a blanket?)
- The election. (It’s famously coming up!)
- The life story of wrestler Anthony Robles, whose path to the NCAA national championships in 2011 is the subject of Unstoppable.
- How long that standing ovation for J.Lo’s performance at TIFF actually was.
- Having teenage children, and the nightmares contained therein.
- Having teenage children who are primed to become nepo babies, and the even-more-vivid nightmares contained therein.
- Chappell Roan. (She’s everywhere!)
- Jen Affleck, the Mormon MomTok influencer who proudly claims Ben as her husband’s second cousin.
- Mormon MomTok in general.
- Water.
- Rihanna showing up at Alaïa’s NYFW Show. (This is a universal topic of interest, right?)
- The 2003 mob rom-com Gigli, and how it might have benefited from Damon’s co-producer input.
- Jen’s juiciest stories from this summer in the Hamptons. (After all, she knows any gossip given to Damon will get back to Affleck.)
- Why nobody in Hollywood can get work.
- A top-secret plan to get Hollywood back to work. (If these two can’t do it, nobody can!)
- J.Lo’s 2019 Oscars snub for Hustlers. (If I were her, I would talk about this constantly. I’m not even her, and I still talk about this constantly!)
- Their respective upbringings in the Bronx and Boston.
- The best places to get bagels in the Bronx and Boston. (Spoiler: There are no good bagels in Boston, and the best ones in the Bronx are at Empire Bagels, but I’m sure they figured that out together.)
- Each other’s hand softness (in a totally platonic way. Bro code!).
- Taylor Swift, as a general concept, but also as a specific person who is currently in New York.
- Ben Affleck’s current relationship status and mental state, in that order.
- Lets be so for real: taxes. (Why do I feel like this is the main topic of conversation for all rich people?)