When Deidre Cross was tens of thousands of dollars in debt, the holiday season became the tipping point that sparked her journey to get out of the red.
“I would be the person that would still buy the presents and the gifts and stuff, spending money that I didn’t have,” said Cross, the founder of Ohh You Budget.
“I would go into overdraft because my credit cards would be maxed out.”
Eventually, Cross knew something had to change. She started talking to her friends and family about financial expectations around the holidays, and being honest about the fact that she couldn’t continue keeping up appearances.
“I could not afford it, to the point where it’s just like, we have to have this conversation.”
Experts say it’s common to be stressed about money around the holidays, but talking to friends and family about your budget — and maybe even agreeing to financial caps on gift-giving — can remove a lot of anxiety from the holiday season.
“We all know that money is a taboo subject, so it’s very hard to address that,” said Angela Iermieri, financial planner at Desjardins.
There’s a lot of social pressure to keep up with everyone else, she said, especially during the holidays when there are a lot of event invitations and gift-giving.
A recent survey by Coast Capital found 72 per cent of respondents are feeling heightened financial pressure due to the holidays. However, the survey found many still plan to spend on gifts, decor and parties as usual.
Yasamin Alami, a chartered professional accountant and assistant professor at University Canada West, said during the holidays, people often spend a lot of time worrying about money: who to buy gifts for, how much to spend.
Talking about that stress can do a lot to take the weight off, said Alami.
“I think it’s a really quick conversation, and maybe it is awkward, but having that quick conversation kind of frees up a lot of mental space and rumination over thinking about a gift and what the appropriate value is.”
Often it feels like you need to match the value of someone’s gift and “it becomes this moving target every year,” she said.
It might feel awkward at first, but you might be surprised at how people react when you bring up the topic, said Iermieri.
“Maybe everybody feels the same way, but just doesn’t want to say it,” she said.
“What’s important in all of this is to be honest with ourselves, if we want to be honest with others.”
Another survey, this one by Ipsos on behalf of Simplii Financial, found that financial constraints are keeping many Canadians at home for the holidays instead of travelling. More than half of the respondents who do plan to travel say they will be staying in their home province, while many are trying to save with cheaper flights and hotels.
Cross agreed that it’s always best to be honest with people if you can’t afford to travel for the holidays, buy expensive gifts or attend every party.
“If you cannot afford something, don’t go into debt or try to do something that’s not within your means,” she said.
You don’t have to go into too many details, added Iermieri, depending on how close you are with the person, but if you’re comfortable, you could tell people that you’re trying to meet specific financial goals or stick to a budget.
“I think it’s important, especially with the people that are closer to you, to not be scared to do that,” she said.
You can suggest setting a price cap on gifts for the season, she said, or suggest a round of Secret Santa, or perhaps a holiday activity in place of gifts.
It’s all about setting boundaries and sticking to them, she said. This may mean checking your calendar and saying no to some party invitations, but that’s better than overspending and having to deal with the credit card bill later.
“It’s very easy to get carried away and say yes to a lot of things,” said Alami.
“So I think being proactive and just setting a budget for yourself is the very first step.”
When you’re telling someone you can’t attend a holiday event, you can suggest scheduling something more budget-friendly, or tell them you’d love to spend time together in the new year, she said.
“The holidays are a time where we fall back on traditions, so it’s the concept of we’ve traditionally done this, or our family does this every year, or my friends expect me to throw this party,” said Alami.
“It’s OK to have those conversations to say, ‘How about we build some new traditions?’”
This report by The Canadian Press was first published Dec. 12, 2024.