A woman has refused to be a bridesmaid at her friend’s wedding because she “hates her fiancé”.
The woman shared the details of the tricky situation in a Reddit post.
She explained that her friend, with whom she works, recently became engaged and asked her if she would be a bridesmaid at the upcoming wedding.
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“She asked me at work which was an awkward time when people were around so in the moment, I said sure,” explained the woman.
However, the woman went on to say that she did not know her workmate that well and even though they went to school together, they were in different crowds.
“We then met again a few years ago at a mutual friend’s party and became closer. We would hang out here and there,” she said.
The woman explained that she started to distance herself from her friend after she felt “she became very clingy as I am a low maintenance friend and felt very smothered”.
She also realised she “really doesn’t like her boyfriend/now fiancé”, as he is “very controlling”.
“He won’t let her dance even if at a wedding, even in a room with two of her close girlfriends when no one else is around. He says she embarrasses him if she is wearing a tank top and gets in trouble for being too revealing,” she said.
While the woman said she started to notice these things early on, she didn’t say anything because she felt it wasn’t her place and that she and the bride-to-be are “not that close”.
“But one day I was on a drive with the couple and on the way back he and I got into an argument as he is very sexist, homophobic and racist,” she said.
“I just can’t be around people like that, so we got into a heated argument, it didn’t escalate because I was still trying to be mindful of my friend’s feelings at the time.”
However, the woman explained that there were also a few incidents after that where he would make comments in group settings that she didn’t agree with.
“I told myself I would be cordial but there’s no reason I need to be around him because I know if any of those topics came up again, I would lose it and then it would turn into a big fight.”
She explained that she didn’t want to be a part of the wedding for “multiple reasons”.
But the biggest reason was because she “can’t stand the groom,” and did not think her friend should marry him.
“I just don’t know how to say that without being rude. I don’t want to upset her, but I don’t want to be at the wedding. And honestly as soon as she finds out that I don’t like him she’s not going to want to be friends anymore.”
The women then asked the internet whether she was the a**hole if she says no to being a bridesmaid.
“Is it better to make up an excuse as to why I want to say no or should I be harsh and be honest?”
The woman’s post garnered many comments and people were quick to side with her.
“Not the a**hole. You shouldn’t be a bridesmaid if it would make you uncomfortable,” said one.
“Not the a**hole. You don’t have to give an explanation at all, a wedding invitation is that, an invitation, not a summons. But if your friend asks? Be honest. You might lose a friend, but you’ll have done the right thing,” said a second.
“You don’t need to justify why you don’t want to participate in this event. Simply tell her that you were caught off guard initially, but you’ve realised that it’s not going to work for you. If she’s smart, then she’ll put two and two together when no one will stand for her,” added a third.