Last year, we suggested that the best way to get through Thanksgiving is to turn the conversation to cars anytime someone in your family brings up politics. The year before that, we even provided you with a list of car arguments you could start with your family. Unfortunately for everyone, though, we’re not sure that is going to work this year. If you bring up cars, inevitably, someone is going to want to talk about Elon Musk, which is guaranteed to be the most miserable conversation you’ve ever participated in.
Now, it’s not like Elon Musk wasn’t a common topic at previous family holidays. When someone who doesn’t know much about cars hears you like cars, Musk and Tesla are usually the first things they want to talk about. Was it enjoyable to listen to Uncle Randy drone on and on about how awesome it is that we finally have self-driving cars, even though Teslas aren’t actually self-driving? Not at all. Talking about Elon Musk this year, however, is guaranteed to make those earlier conversations feel like your first time behind the wheel of a go-kart in comparison.
To head Uncle Randy off before he gets too drunk and corners you with a rant about Elon Musk, you’re going to need to distract him with something else, and the only way to do that is to bring up politics. It won’t be fun, but if you don’t want to talk about Musk, sacrifices must be made. And just in case you’re short on ideas, here are a few to help get you started:
1. That Moms For Liberty leader who was outed as a sex offender
2. Cities ending single-family zoning
3. Federal legalization of marijuana
4. The war in Gaza
5. Ron DeSantis probably wearing lifts in his boots
6. Abortion rights
7. Federal and local incentives to make e-bikes more affordable
8. Removing Confederate statues
9. Woodrow Wilson’s wife effectively acting as president after his stroke
10. Robert F. Kennedy Jr. going to the bathroom on a plane barefoot
11. A new special-purpose local-option sales tax
12. Property taxes
13. Federal and state income taxes
14. Whether or not Herschel Walker was mentally competent enough to run for Senate
15. New York City Mayor Eric Adams’ ties to the Turkish government
16. Representative George Santos spending campaign funds on Botox and OnlyFans
17. Senator Bob Menendez’s ties to Egypt
18. Pronouns
19. The county replacing that old wooden playground you loved as a kid
20. The violent crime rate in St. Louis, Missouri
21. Increasing funding for public transportation
22. Amending the Seventh Amendment to increase the monetary threshold required to guarantee a jury trial in civil cases
23. Taxing unrealized capital gains
24. Town council approving yet another self-storage facility
25. Repealing the Second Amendment
Happy Thanksgiving, and good luck!